How to Make Haircuts Easier for a Worried Child

For some children a haircut is no big deal. For others, the tears start before you've even reached the chair. If your child is in the second group, you're in good company, and there's a lot you can do to make the next one easier. A haircut packs plenty of tricky things into a few minutes: clippers buzzing beside the ears, scissors snipping where you can't see, a cape around the neck, a stranger touching your head, and itchy little bits of hair that get everywhere.

In our Calmlings card game, haircuts are a Wobble called Buzzbeard. The card says Buzzbeard "Loves to buzz and snip. Sounds loud, never hurts." The two Calmlings that tame it are Hushpup and Squeezle. We'll use them as examples below, but every idea here works with or without the cards.

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Why does my child hate haircuts?

It helps to work out which part is the hard part, because each one needs a different fix. Watch closely at the next trim, or ask your child afterwards. The usual suspects are:

• The sound. Clippers buzz right beside the ear, and scissors snip where your child can't see them.
• The feel. Vibrating clippers, a comb tugging, a cold mist from the spray bottle, a tight cape.
• The itch. Tiny cut hairs down the neck and inside clothes can bother some children for hours.
• Sitting still. Waiting, then keeping your head still, is hard work for a young body.
• The worry. Some children think cutting hair will hurt, because cutting skin does.

That last one is worth clearing up plainly. Hair has no feeling in it, so cutting it doesn't hurt, just like trimming fingernails. Show your child by snipping a few strands from a doll or an old paintbrush, and let them feel the ends.

How can I practise a haircut at home?

Practice is the heart of it. A few short, playful rehearsals in the week before can take a lot of the surprise out of the real thing.

• Give teddy a haircut. Let your child "cut" a soft toy's fur with two fingers as scissors, and talk it through: comb, spray, snip, all done.
• Play hairdresser. Pop a towel around their shoulders like a cape. Comb their hair, mist it with a spray bottle, and pretend-snip with two fingers near each ear. Then swap and let them do yours.
• Meet the buzz. An electric toothbrush makes a good stand-in for clippers. Let your child hold it against their hand, then their arm, then near the back of their neck, only as far as they're happy to go.
• Watch someone else go first. Seeing a parent or sibling have a calm trim shows exactly what happens, step by step.
• Practise holding still. Play statues for a count of ten, then twenty. Keep it a game, not a test.

What helps with the noise of the clippers?

Hushpup's move is "Headphones on when sounds get too big." Ear defenders or headphones playing a favourite song can take the edge off the buzz. Many hairdressers are happy to work around them, lifting one side briefly for the bits near the ears. It's worth asking when you book.

A few more ideas:

• Ask for scissors only, with no clippers, if the buzz is the main problem.
• Ask the hairdresser to show your child each tool, and switch it on, before it goes near their head.
• Agree on a word that means "tell me before the next bit", and let your child use it.
• Humming along can cover some of the buzz from the inside. Hummingbee's move is "Hum a favourite song nice and low."

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How do I keep my child still during a haircut?

Holding still is much easier with something to do.

• Squeeze and let go. Squeezle's move is "Squeeze, count to 3, then let it all go." A squishy ball or a soft toy gives busy feelings somewhere to go, and the count gives the snips a rhythm.
• Busy hands. Fidgetfox's move is "Keep your hands busy with a fidget toy." Pack one in your bag for the waiting area as well as the chair.
• Show the finish line. Tickatock's move is "The timer shows how long until it's done." A visual timer, or a count of songs ("three songs and we're finished"), can help children see the end coming.
• First, then. "First haircut, then the playground." Short and concrete works best. Our guide to using a visual schedule has more on first-then boards.
• Look for things. Spotto's move is "Name 5 things you see and 4 you can hear." The mirror makes a good I spy board.

Some children like the mirror because they can see what's happening. Others find it makes things worse. If the salon allows it, let your child choose which way to face.

How do I stop itchy hair bits bothering my child?

For lots of children the itch is the worst bit, and it can linger long after the haircut ends. Try these:

• Dress for it. A smooth top with no tag, or an old T-shirt you can whip off straight afterwards. Bring a spare.
• Seal the neck. Ask for a snug neck strip, or a small soft towel tucked under the cape.
• Brush, don't rub. A clean, soft make-up brush sweeps bits off the neck and face more gently than fingers.
• Rinse at home. Plan a warm bath or shower as soon as you're back. If hair washing is its own Wobble, Splashgrump ("Splashes and drips, then you're all clean.") is in the Starter Set too, with Bubblo and Countalot to tame it.

WobblesSnipsnapUnlock every cardUnlockCalmlingsRubbadubUnlock every cardUnlock

The Complete Collection has a second haircut Wobble just for this part, Snipsnap: "Snips near your ears and itchy hair bits." Hushpup and Squeezle tame Snipsnap too, and so does Rubbadub, whose move is "Squeeze each finger, one at a time."

If scratchy clothes are an everyday battle, not just on haircut day, Scratchtag is the Starter Set Wobble for that one: "Tickles and scratches, then soft clothes win."

Is it easier to cut my child's hair at home or at a salon?

There's no single right answer. A hairdresser who is used to wriggly, worried children can make a real difference. Book the first appointment of the day, when it's quieter and nobody is running late, and let them know your child finds haircuts hard. Ask whether your child can sit on your lap, and whether short breaks are okay.

Cutting at home suits some families better. The room is familiar, there's no waiting, and you can stop halfway and finish tomorrow. A trim spread over two or three short sessions is still a haircut. Whichever you choose, aim for calm and short over a perfect style for the first few.

What should I say before and after a haircut?

Before: be honest and specific. "The hairdresser will spray your hair with water, comb it and snip the ends. The clippers will buzz near your ears. You can squeeze your ball the whole time." Skip "it'll be really quick" unless it truly will be.

After: praise what your child did, not how their hair looks. "You kept squeezing your ball even when the clippers buzzed. That was brave." Then talk about what helped, so you can bring it again next time. For more calming ideas to keep in your back pocket, see five calm-down tools every kid needs.

If haircuts stay very hard however much you practise, or your child is very bothered by sounds, textures or touch in lots of everyday moments, it's worth mentioning to your GP or your child's doctor.

If you'd like the cards to bring along, Buzzbeard, Hushpup, Squeezle, Tickatock and Fidgetfox are all in the Calmlings Starter Set (US$5, 61 print-at-home cards). Print Buzzbeard and the Calmling your child picks, and pop them in your bag for the next trim. You can browse every card in the Calmlings gallery.